Wednesday was a challenging day.
Even at the gentle hour of 6AM, something felt off. I padded into the kitchen to start the coffee.
Already, the group text chains were buzzing. Already, the Facebook newsfeed was blinking its eyes, waking up, catching its breath on the ragged edges of unanswered questions:
“We have to stay inside for how long? But…?”
Fill the stainless kettle. Warm the water. Watch the bubbles form.
“Rubber gloves? Where do I get those…?”
Grind the beans. Raise them to your nose. Smell that? That’s what alive smells like.
“Wait, there’s no more TP? How will I…?”
The whole world was waking up to news you only hear in post-apocalyptic movies. And despite our collective American indulgence in doomsday entertainment, no one felt particularly prepared to have to deal with the real thing.
Scoop the grinds. Pour the water. Gaze into the inky black depths and visualize your best day for four minutes.
The interesting thing about living with chronic pain is that it shifts your perception of discomfort. Before hypermobility took its hold on my joints, I moved through small challenges easily – you know, the day-to-day annoyances. The rude guy at the coffee counter or the torn dress or the forgotten bill. The big stuff, though – the deaths, the serious injuries, the threats to health and home –that’s what really got to me.
But once your worst nightmare presents itself as reality over and over again, larger challenges can start to feel commonplace. Anxiety and depression become less like an intruder in your home and more like an annoying, but manageable, houseguest. You learn how to find the calm undertone beneath each chaotic situation. A mental shift happens slowly over time. Eventually, life’s little annoyances feel unbearable because they add to the arduous daily chore of holding yourself upright. And on the flip-side, navigating true devastating hardship begins to feel easy – invigorating, even – as you slowly realize that despite how ominous and scary the world may seem, you can get yourself through it, again and again and again.
Press the steaming grounds. Thank the gods for your working wrists.
I poured the morning elixir and let the first dark sip warm me as doomsday articles and frightened commentary floated up my newsfeed like steam from a cup.
“But, my wedding…”
“My job…”
“My immune system is weak…”
There was so much pain and fear: Two things I know very well. But I also know that when these two characters come knocking at our door, we’ve got two choices:
1.) Run away (this is not advised for those of us with joint problems, btw – and even elite runners know that Pain and Fear set a pace none of us can match.)
2.) Open the door. Look them in the eyes. Smile. Invite them in. Make some coffee. Bake some scones. Then sit at the table for a snack and a talk. Get to know them. You may find they’re not so scary after all.
***
Chocolate Chip Peanut Butter Scones (vegan, gluten-free, dairy-free)
These dense, comforting scones are a healthier alternative when you crave something sweet, but also want to be healthy-ish. If you can’t find oat flour at the store, simply whiz some oats in the blender until they become flour-like. These are also very adaptable – replace the peanut butter for almond butter. Replace the chocolate chips with dried or fresh fruit for a lighter option. You can also reduce the sugar and omit the maple syrup if you prefer them less sweet. Play around.
Ingredients:
1.5 cups oat flour
1.5 cups almond flour
1/3 cup peanut butter
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 cup coconut sugar
2 Tbs maple syrup
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 cup almond milk
1 bar dark chocolate, chopped
Frosting:
1/4 cup peanut butter
3 Tbs vegan butter at room temperature
3 Tbs maple syrup
1 tsp vanilla extract
Pinch sea salt
Instructions:
Combine all ingredients except dark chocolate in a large bowl and stir until well combined. Fold in chocolate and stir until evenly distributed. Batter should be thick. Scoop onto a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper. Bake at 375 degrees for 30 minutes. While baking, prepare the frosting. If your peanut butter is runny, the consistency will be more like a glaze – this is perfectly fine. Adjust peanut ingredients as necessary to obtain desired consistency (you can also add powdered peanut butter or peanut flour to make the frosting thicker). Cool completely. Once cool, top with frosting and serve. Nibble with dark coffee and let the combination of sweet and bitter remind you that life is a complex masterpiece of polar experiences that goes on and on.
